It should have been me by your side, but instead I was so focused on things that really didn’t matter.  Looking for unlikable details to so that I could protect my heart from this idea that if I was to let down my guard you would have full access to the well spring of my life.

It should have been me holding your hand and not letting go, but instead I was more worried about getting close and being vulnerable to showing you my past, keeping you at a distance so that at anytime I could walk away without the hurt and pain of you being connected to the beat of my heart.

It should have been me walking with you and leading you to the cross, but instead I wanted to put up a security wall and tell you how to live and get you to change some of your ways before giving you the keys to unlock me wide open to full access to every door of my body.

It should have been me speaking life and words of encouragement into you, but instead I was looking at your sinful ways in hopes for change.  I should have been seeing you the way God sees you with greatness and beauty, looking past imperfection to your love for Christ.

It should be me standing at the altar looking into your eyes with disbelief of how amazing you truly are and how God specially crafted you for the man that was willing to give his love and his life sacrificially, but instead it is somebody else.

It should have been me, but instead I missed out on what could have been an amazing thing, all because I was afraid to let you in.  Now all I can do is pray that he will treat you better than I did because you deserve the best.  That he would be willing to lay down his life to give you the life that you deserve.  I just sit here and pray that your happiness and joy would be centered on Christ alone and experience an adventure with an amazing man of God that will lead you to the cross daily.   It should have been me, but because it is not, that means you chose the best!  Because you deserve it!

So many times in life we look back in hindsight and wonder what things would have been like if we made different decisions.  But in all reality things happen for a reason, whether to grow us stronger in our walk with Christ or just to reveal to us certain things that will build our character.  But ultimately God is in control and no matter what, God knows what is best for us, even if we THINK we know what is best.

Our decisions in life come with good and bad consequences and no matter what the outcome is, we have to learn to live with it.  How we do that will determine what kind of life we will live.  When your foundation is Christ, you find your cornerstone being unable to be shaken and although you could wish all day to go back in time and change things. You come to a realization that God has a different plan than what you anticipated, and when you start to fully engage in that, all your worries begin to vanish.  Trusting in God becomes the center of leaning on God for He has for you, rather then you doing what you think is best.  Trust God in the good and the bad, and watch Him transform your life!  No regrets when you allow Christ to direct your footsteps.


forgiven forgiven • August 31, 2015

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