Are we enabling our children?
I have been thinking a lot about how I was raised and how blessed I was to have a family that really trained me up to be able to live my life on my own. They pushed me to work at a young age and didn’t spoil me to a point of taking away my ability to strive for living a good life. When I was younger, although I heard these words and hated them at the time, “If you want something, go work hard and get it yourself”, they taught me that I couldn’t passively expect things to just fall into my lap. I had to get off my lazy butt, and go do something to make it happen.
I thought this was common to all families, to have parents who empowered their children to get out there, work hard and do something with their lives. I am finding that in today’s society there has become that disconnect with parents teaching and equipping their children how to live as adults, have a good marriage, and for guys be the provider. I am seeing more and more that parents are failing their kids and enabling them to live out entitled lives. I understand they want to love their children and give them great gifts and spoil them with the things that they never had as kids, but is that effective? Is that really loving your child when you do everything for them and don’t teach them how to live as active responsible people who take part in society?
One of the most common situations I see in this generation is people in their 20’s and 30’s still living like teenage kids. They have no drive to get out and get a job because they know that their parents will be there to give them what they want. All responsibility is lost because parents have enabled them to do nothing. But what happens when the parents die? Or they find somebody they want to marry? How will they take care of the family if they have never been pushed to be responsible for anything in their own lives?
Parents are enabling kids to stay at home longer without experiencing real life situations or responsibility and since they can do whatever they want, why would they want to leave? Eventually there will become a time when those kids/adults have to move out of the house and do life on their own. But what I find is that when the shelter is removed and real life happens, they don’t know how to cope or handle life. They don’t know how to get a job, or pay bills, or do house hold chores, or provide for a family. What they should have learned at a young age is never taught and those people find themselves having to learn basics in their 20s and 30’s because parents allowed them to sit at home and do nothing.
Parents, real love is doing what is best and beneficial for your kids, even if it is really hard to do. I know it can be easier sometimes just to do things yourself, but you have to push them to learn so they know real responsibility. You are training them up for their future and that requires a lot of work. But what you do now is critical for them to be able to cope in the future.
Kids/ Adults, you need to take responsibility for your own life. Even if your parents enabled you to be lazy, it is your life and you have to rise up and live it. In marriage, you can’t just sit around and do nothing; you won’t be married long if so. At work you can’t just show up and do whatever you want to do; you will be fired pretty fast. In life you can’t just wait around for somebody to pay your bills, clean your house, put gas in your car, etc ; it will never happen. It is never too late to start working hard at life and training yourself up to be who God created you to be.
I hope this is an encouragement for you to rise up and start taking action in your life. Start creating building blocks for your future. If you desire to be marriage, start building now. If you plan on having kids, start building now. Look at the bigger picture and realize what reality looks like and take action.