Sometimes in life we can’t fully understand the bigger picture of why we have to go through what we experience.  All we can do, is have hope in God, for He knows what is best for us and allows us to struggle through trials to build our character to become more like Him.  For me, God called me to the mission field two years ago and the things I have learned has really brought me to my knees with a stronger understanding of how much I need Him in all that I do.

Now I am almost 35 years old, and from the worlds stand point really have nothing to show in life as far as living the American dream.  I am single which is a huge faux pas, don’t have anything of worth when it comes to materialism, and live a life in the unknown walking only to the places where God will bring me in life.  Now of course, not all of these are a choice.  I don’t choose to be single, and it’s hard to see all my friends married and have kids, but I am.  I do choose to rid myself of the over abundance of wealth, because I don’t need it and it just gets in the way of God.  And my life being fully dependent on God’s direction hasn’t been easy.  But that is the life I have been called to. (2015 Was extremely tough!)  For me to do anything else would be going against God, and I don’t ever win those battles.

But this idea of Marriage is the thing I want to talk about.  I know for me, trying to find a wife who is in full support of living that same lifestyle is nearly impossible and will definitely require a miracle from God.  I don’t run into many people who are willing to give up their entire lives for the sake of the Gospel, so this can be extremely disheartening.  But the more I think about this, the more I start to look inward and realize how filthy my life truly is.  My sins begin to come to the surface and even the least of them start to look so disgusting that it is hard for me to imagine bringing all that into a relationship.  It just wouldn’t seem fair having somebody putting up with my selfishness, my pride, even other areas of my life.  That in itself is pretty selfish to think that I deserve somebody as my own to call wife.  I really am unworthy of any woman out there and can’t fathom the idea that two imperfect people could come together as one.

How can this be?  Even with Jesus I am so unworthy to be in his presence.  He is perfect and my imperfections could never stand before Him.  Just one of my sins is bad enough, but a life full of them is unimaginable and unacceptable.  But that is the beauty of His grace and mercy in our lives.  We can never amount to anything or be good enough in His eyes, yet He was willing to lay down his life for me and you.  His love far outweighs his judgement and all we can do is accept His gift.

Marriage is the same thing.  It has to start with an understanding that two imperfect people can only come together by the grace and mercy of Jesus Christ.  We are totally unworthy of each other and by our imperfections we can only then start to understand grace and forgiveness in our lives.  Only God can bring together restoration and beauty through imperfections, and that is why a relationship must be founded on God.

If you are struggling with singleness right now, you are not alone.  We all experience it, but remember that God is there.  Let him work in you and through you in this season.

I would encourage you to ask yourself this question…
Is God alone enough for the rest of your life?
If not, you might want to pray about breaking the idol of marriage in your life and find total refuge in Him.



forgiven • January 20, 2016

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